I travel alone so much, and the first thought is to grab the damn phone. In airports, just look around. Nobody looks at anybody, or even out the window. It's obvious we can't live without it anymore, and as a comic on the road the phone is an essential tool. It's probably doing more good than bad for me, but it does make me sad that those of us who grew up without mobile phones, we know what we're missing.

I am what I eat. And I am this especially when I bite my nails.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

As a comic, I think I'm very verbally oriented about a lot of the stuff that I've written or thought up and how I say it.

Vampire fad just won't die. Makes sense, I guess.

I learned this summer that peeing in the pool and peeing INTO the pool are very different things. Location, Location, Location.

I care about politics, but I have a tough time making comedy out of it. I was so happy to have a chance to be on The Daily Show, and I think Jon Stewart's so funny... but mostly in my own comedy, I care about less relevant things.