I travel alone so much, and the first thought is to grab the damn phone. In airports, just look around. Nobody looks at anybody, or even out the window. It's obvious we can't live without it anymore, and as a comic on the road the phone is an essential tool. It's probably doing more good than bad for me, but it does make me sad that those of us who grew up without mobile phones, we know what we're missing.

I think the best thing about being dumb is that it makes magic a lot better. Where the hell did that rat come from? I dunno, but I'm calling the cops because he just cut that lady in half.

I'm a producer on my show, which is great, but it's also kind of a mixed blessing because there's so much responsibility. Everything is a decision. You have to worry about the money, you have to worry about daylight, who we're going to cast and if this location doesn't work out, what are we going to do?

I'm a body builder, but I don't use weights. I use snacks. It's kind of a different building process.

What I've learned about my self over the years is that I'm pretty restless. If I multitask it's probably because I have difficulty just focusing on one thing.

You know what's the greatest part of anything ever in the history of everything? Exaggeration. No, wait; it's correcting yourself. No, better yet, it's making lists.

Sometimes I feel like I'm being watched, but then I remember that my show was canceled three years ago.