I was watching MTV and there were girls dancing in suspended cages. That would be an ambivalent situation: "I'm trapped! ...but enjoying the music".

Halloween: the day each year when strangers give you even more specific reasons to dislike them based on what they are wearing.

I was a good student when I was a kid, and I did everything I was supposed to do, and I got A's.

I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny.

I noticed that there are no B batteries. I think that's to avoid confusion, cause if there were you wouldn't know if someone was stuttering. 'Yes, hello I'd like some b-batteries.' 'What kind?' 'B-batteries.' 'What kind?' 'B-batteries!' and D-batteries that's hard for foreigners. 'Yes, I would like de batteries.'

The best way to make somebody feel important is to try to assassinate them.

Whenever I see an autobiography for sale in the book store i just flip to the about the author section. I'm like, "Done, next!"