I never give anyone just one congratulation. Congratulations are always plural. They are similar to grapes.

I think my favorite sound is the sound of someone not playing the bongos.

If someone throws a pie at your face, just open your mouth really wide and say, 'Thanks for feeding me, a**hole.'

The lord works in mysterious ways. Indeed. And a shorter way to say that is: God is a sneak.

I was thinking how strange it is that water is one of the best, simplest things on this planet, and still with a simple glass of water you can neutralize so many of the greatest technological advances that we provide. Like with my blackberry, I can get in touch with so many people, but if I dip it in a small glass of water I'm completely disconnected.

I don't usually fly in first class, but I fart in first class.

I wonder if, as a society, we will ever be able to call someone a jive tofurkey.