I never give anyone just one congratulation. Congratulations are always plural. They are similar to grapes.

Automatic paper towel dispensers are a solution to something that was never a problem in the first place.

There's a store in my neighborhood called Futon World. I like that name, 'Futon World.' Makes me think of a magical place that gets less and less comfortable over time.

The planets. Now footnote, I'm including Pluto in the planets, because I think it's terrible what they did to Pluto. And it's still a planet to me. I grew up with Pluto as a planet, it will always be a planet.

Whenever I'm on my computer, I don't type 'lol'. I type 'lqtm' - laugh quietly to myself. It's more honest.

One thing you never hear is "Man that guy is good at badminton".

Cotton candy is the perfect snack for when I'm in the mood to eat dry, scratchy fabric.