If you drink enough beer, everything turns in to a bed.

The plastic knife is perfect for when a person just wants to make some marks on his food and get insanely frustrated at the same time.

I hate seeing people that look like you. Especially if God's living by the motto 'If at first you don't succeed.'

I like people, for a little while.

Whenever I see an autobiography for sale in the book store i just flip to the about the author section. I'm like, "Done, next!"

If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.

A couple weeks ago I was on the street and I saw an ugly pregnant lady, and I just thought, 'Good for you.'