What's this about rice milk? I didn't even know rice had nipples!

Like a lot of people, I’ve always enjoyed commenting on strangers’ outfits. Unlike a lot of people, I now had a new megaphone to do it with. And, let me tell you, commenting on people’s hilarious clothing choices through a megaphone makes it so much better.

Having a beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.

The chances of someone who looks like Jesus having pot raises steadily, to a point. If the guy is on a cross you may have the wrong guy.

Cottonballs are an example of something I'd want to buy, but not have as a nickname.

There is no I in Team, unless you count the vertical part of the T.

I like birthdays. Every time someone is born, that's just like bringing more cake into the world.