What's this about rice milk? I didn't even know rice had nipples!

I wanna see a snake eat spaghetti.

I learned this summer that peeing in the pool and peeing INTO the pool are very different things. Location, Location, Location.

I think my favorite sound is the sound of someone not playing the bongos.

I have an air mattress. It's great because if someone tries to suffocate me in bed I can just poke a hole in it and use it to stay alive.

Sometimes, when something really great happens to me, I like to wait two weeks before I tell anyone about it, because I like to use the word 'fortnight'.

It's weird to make a decision where everyone in your life disapproves, pretty vocally and directly. They said, "You've got one year left. Just do it." I had a full scholarship so I didn't have to pay for it. They asked, "Why don't you just get the degree so you can have it?" And I said, "You don't understand. I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do and now I know. I have the answer and it's dumb to waste any more time."