But what I was going to say was, I just figured I'm going to go boldly in the direction of my dreams, say it as Thoreau would say, and just see where it takes me.

I wonder if, as a society, we will ever be able to call someone a jive tofurkey.

Whenever I'm on my computer, I don't type 'lol'. I type 'lqtm' - laugh quietly to myself. It's more honest.

Relationships, like eyebrows, are better when there is space between them.

The shortest distance between two idiots is a conga line.

100% of the people who give 110% do not understand math.

My friend asked me I ever swam with dolphins. I was like, 'Yeah, of course. What distance are we talking about from the dolphins? Because the last time I was in the ocean, I'm pretty sure I swam with most of them.'