I just know keeping track of what I'm doing and where I'm going is important to me.

I am a comedian but it's usually not a compliment to be called a prop comedian but I guess I sometimes use props. And I always confuse humorist with comedian. That's strange.

And my only rule being if when I wake in the morning I'm looking forward to the things that I have to do that day, then I'm on the right track.

I was stuck in traffic and I looked in the mirror and in the car behind me there was a couple having a horrible argument and right below their image it said "Objects In Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear". I just thought, man I hope so because she was pretty mad.

Villains fear me because I am unpredictable and broccoli. See what I mean?

I was eating some candy and looked on the wrapper, and it said made from natural and artificial flavors. You could just say flavors.

You can say 'Thanks,' and you can say 'Thanks a Million' - but any number in between?