If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half.

I want to commit a crime during a reenactment, and turn it into an enactment.

A parade looks like a bunch of people are excited about being in traffic.

My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal.

And as far as actors go, Peter Sellers is my all-time favorite.

I've never read an article of clothing.

REGARDING THE MARCHING BAND: How much more interesting it would be to see a creeping band.