If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half.

It seems that two of the most basic forms of comedy are jokes and stories. And, of course, they are not mutually exclusive.

When I am at rodeo I find it difficult not to root for the animals.

I am bravery. I am courage. I am valor. I am daring. I am holding a thesaurus.

Surprise parties are strange 'cause people jump up and they yell the word, 'surprise' at the party. I came home and you emerged from my furniture. You don't have to tell me how to feel. I don't need a hint.

Futon World - a wonderful place that becomes slowly less comfortable over time.

I like parties, but I don't like piñatas because the pinata promotes violence against flamboyant animals. Hey, there's a donkey with some pizzazz. Let's kick its ass.