They say it's lonely at the top. It must be even lonelier at the tippy top.

I've met a few people who were passive-aggressive, but I've never met anyone who was aggressive-passive. I don't want tacos! Maybe.

Planning trip around the globe, that is in my room.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front of me.

I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly-swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.