A lot of things look cooler in slow motion. Eating isn't one of them.

Having a beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.

I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says 'go outside.'

I'm not a lawmaker, but I was thinking that if you have a really loud ring tone, maybe you should be stabbed in the ear?

The lord works in mysterious ways. Indeed. And a shorter way to say that is: God is a sneak.

It seems that man's greatest natural enemy is the target.

There's an old Russian saying that goes some way or another. I don't know it. I don't speak Russian. But sometimes I think about it and wonder if it's relevant to what I'm going through at the time. Probably not. I mean what do Russian know about hunger, anyway?