And my only rule being if when I wake in the morning I'm looking forward to the things that I have to do that day, then I'm on the right track.

I think it's cool when an ex-girlfriend becomes an XL girlfriend.

The boomerang is Australia's chief export (and then import).

Conclusions are based in time. We live in time. So any definition of success is bound up with time. With other things you can say, "Can I yo-yo? Can I juggle?" Usually you have a pretty small window in which to get your answer. Stand-up is different. You can't do stand-up for one night and say, "Am I a funny stand-up comedian?" In two months or two years you'll start to realize it.

When I look up at the clouds I see so many animals, mostly sheep who have lost their limbs and heads.

How many of you are creative? I don't know, but for me, when you make a bunch of things over time and then you keep them... you forget. I look through my sketchbooks and I'm an audience for myself.

It is illegal to yell “fire” in a crowded theater. If there is a fire, please yell something else instead, like “Flames!” or “Smoke maker!” or “Bad hot!