Artistically, I find jokes really satisfying aesthetically, because there's something great about getting an idea down to a sentence or two.

There are two kinds of jackets - reversible, and reversible but it's hard to zipper up and it looks really stupid.

I don't usually fly in first class, but I fart in first class.

When I was younger, I'd get very empirical with myself. "I have a hypothesis about myself. I'll put myself in a situation, see what happens, then I'll draw a conclusion based on the empirical evidence. Hypothesis: I can play basketball." So I'd try. "Conclusion: I cannot play basketball."

If you have a lip ring try hanging some tiny keys from it. This will make you look even more interesting.

A Rubik's cube is equal to a drag queen. It's really colorful, but I don't wanna do it.

It is interesting that the black BMW is the preferred car of so many assholes.