Artistically, I find jokes really satisfying aesthetically, because there's something great about getting an idea down to a sentence or two.

The problem with my balloon collection is that people always think there's a party. Settle down. It's not a party. It's just balloons.

When people show me pictures of their kids, it's okay. But when I give them a picture of me, to show to their kids, I'm weird. What kind of one way street is that?

I am a comedian but it's usually not a compliment to be called a prop comedian but I guess I sometimes use props. And I always confuse humorist with comedian. That's strange.

Planning trip around the globe, that is in my room.

I'm a producer on my show, which is great, but it's also kind of a mixed blessing because there's so much responsibility. Everything is a decision. You have to worry about the money, you have to worry about daylight, who we're going to cast and if this location doesn't work out, what are we going to do?

There is a small, but important, difference between peeing in the pool, and peeing into the pool.