I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

I noticed that there are no B batteries. I think that's to avoid confusion, cause if there were you wouldn't know if someone was stuttering. 'Yes, hello I'd like some b-batteries.' 'What kind?' 'B-batteries.' 'What kind?' 'B-batteries!' and D-batteries that's hard for foreigners. 'Yes, I would like de batteries.'

I was in my friends garage, and he had; a kite, a yo-yo, and a boomerang. I was like "Dude, you have abandonment issues"

Planning trip around the globe, that is in my room.

The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing somebody's cast.

I was a good student when I was a kid, and I did everything I was supposed to do, and I got A's.

I have an erratic drummer for anybody who's just listening to this, he can keep time, but just in spurts.