Separate but equal is terrible for education but it's perfect for eyebrows.

I think there are so many little hurdles and impediments with stand-up that you'd need to have this insane desire to do it if you didn't have something that clicked right away.

Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.

Brought to you by raising your voice. The next best thing to being right.

I think one of the most groundbreaking inventions of all time is the jackhammer.

I wish I lived next to Carnegie Hall. Then, if someone asked me how to get to my house, I would just say 'Practice, practice, practice, and then take a left.'

It's funny: when people always talk about the importance of role models, I used to think that was so exaggerated, but as I get older, I start to realize I don't feel that way so much anymore. If you see somebody like you who's doing something, an older version of what you are, it does make you feel like it's more possible.