I love Steven Wright. I was in high school in the '80s, and there was a lot of stand up on television.

It is impossible for a cyclops to wink.

Halloween's my favorite holiday because you don't have to spend it with your family.

The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing somebody's cast.

There are very few songs about just liking someone as a friend.

Skeet shooting is probably more satisfying if you really hate skeets.

Another term for balloon is bad breath holder.