I love Steven Wright. I was in high school in the '80s, and there was a lot of stand up on television.

Canoe plus waterfall equals I don't go camping anymore.

There is also a beast, a beast of strange dimensions. He has the head of a horse and the body of a man who needs a lot of attention. He represents me in college: I was a dork-ataur.

Use crazy glue and nails to turn a rocking chair into just a chair that looks like a rocking chair.

Stand-up is like a row boat: it's fun and romantic when you're choosing to do it. But if you have no other choice than to be in a row boat it's not as enjoyable; that's survival.

I just started doing this one-man show, and I wanted to be able to score it, so I bought a guitar, and got a keyboard and got a harmonica. I remember when I started that I didn't understand why a harmonica had different letters on them.

Our Times, a Brief History: As televisions became flatter, People became rounder.