I think they should put pies on the fronts of trains, so that when they hit something it's at least a little bit funny.

I think they should put pies on the fronts of trains, so that when they hit something it's at least a little bit funny.

If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.

I wish my name started with a comma. That would be so dramatic.

Whenever I see an autobiography for sale in the book store i just flip to the about the author section. I'm like, "Done, next!"

I travel alone so much, and the first thought is to grab the damn phone. In airports, just look around. Nobody looks at anybody, or even out the window. It's obvious we can't live without it anymore, and as a comic on the road the phone is an essential tool. It's probably doing more good than bad for me, but it does make me sad that those of us who grew up without mobile phones, we know what we're missing.

Hot Potato is a very different game when the people playing are starving.