I think they should put pies on the fronts of trains, so that when they hit something it's at least a little bit funny.

If you want to feel less sexy put scotch tape on your nipples.

When I first heard the term 'training bra,' I was freaked out. I was pretty young and I said, 'Did you just say training bra? They're training their chests? I had no idea.' See some lady, her boobs are everywhere. 'What's her deal?' Those are untrained titties.

I always try to just be honest ... As opposed to artifice or manipulation.

I think bears and worms aren't very similar... until you think of gummy.

I was on the train the other day, and I heard somebody say, I'm really good at checkers. That's the same thing as saying, I'm not good at very many things.

Sometimes I feel like I'm being watched, but then I remember that my show was canceled three years ago.