I think they should put pies on the fronts of trains, so that when they hit something it's at least a little bit funny.

Halloween: the day each year when strangers give you even more specific reasons to dislike them based on what they are wearing.

I am a ceiling fan, especially during rain.

This is a pie chart about procrastination.

I travel alone so much, and the first thought is to grab the damn phone. In airports, just look around. Nobody looks at anybody, or even out the window. It's obvious we can't live without it anymore, and as a comic on the road the phone is an essential tool. It's probably doing more good than bad for me, but it does make me sad that those of us who grew up without mobile phones, we know what we're missing.

It would be nice if people said, God bless you not just when you sneezed but also when you farted.

Cottonballs are an example of something I'd want to buy, but not have as a nickname.