I think they should put pies on the fronts of trains, so that when they hit something it's at least a little bit funny.

I want to make a revolving door that says 'Pull' on it, just see how obedient people are.

I like shorter jokes. I like fewer words. I think the more ideas there are the, the fewer words there should be.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

As a creative person, you want to have a foothold and sense of progress.

I wonder if there were any goths in gothic times. They're like: You look completely appropriate. You don't look stupid or lonely at all.

It turns out dentists don't like it very much when you show up for a cleaning in full vampire gear.