I think they should put pies on the fronts of trains, so that when they hit something it's at least a little bit funny.

My original goal was just to do stand-up but then I became interested in films - writing a film, shooting one someday, and getting to act in them.

The lord works in mysterious ways. Indeed. And a shorter way to say that is: God is a sneak.

The shortest feedback loop I can think of is doing improvisation in front of an audience.

When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding.

I wish I lived next to Carnegie Hall. Then, if someone asked me how to get to my house, I would just say 'Practice, practice, practice, and then take a left.'

It's not enough to say I'm sorry. You have to also mean it. It's the same with saying I'm single.