I'm very hip-oriented. I focus on hips in my comedy - probably more than any other hipster comic who is out there hipping today. My hips, other hips. I work with my hips a great deal. That is what I do. But not in a gay way.

When I stub my toe it's like I pressed a button that plays all the curse words I know.

A human head looks the least scary when it is attached.

It is a little ironic that one thing a babysitter should not do is sit on a baby.

And as far as actors go, Peter Sellers is my all-time favorite.

My friend has hand soap that smells like coconut. It's nice. Unless your hands are dirty from coconuts.

If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.