For me, possibility, progress, growth, those things are very.. they feel very good. It doesn't usually come with negativity. I don't really mind sucking at something as long as I'm getting a little bit better at it along the way.

If you drink enough beer, everything turns in to a bed.

Overheard today in restaurant: Can you stop listening to our conversation?

If you happen to catch on fire during the show, do not panic or wave your arms around or scream or we wil give something to panic and wave you arms around and scream about.

My original goal was just to do stand-up but then I became interested in films - writing a film, shooting one someday, and getting to act in them.

I love Steven Wright. I was in high school in the '80s, and there was a lot of stand up on television.

It seems that man's greatest natural enemy is the target.