I am a man of my word… and that word is “unreliable.

I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny.

The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing somebody's cast.

You can make a very heavy and kind of dangerous 3-way shot glass out of a bowling ball.

I was in my friends garage, and he had; a kite, a yo-yo, and a boomerang. I was like "Dude, you have abandonment issues"

Use crazy glue and nails to turn a rocking chair into just a chair that looks like a rocking chair.

Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is.