I'm always excited to try something I haven't done.

Nothing wise was ever printed upon an apron.

A squirrel is the same as a can, when there's a bb gun in my hand. Can't you see that I am just a man? With distinctions... and comparisons.

I saw a sign that said, 'Watch for children.' I was like, 'That sounds like a fair trade - especially if they're crappy kids.'

To make a squirrel look less uptight, put tiny sunglasses on it.

If you want to make a mythical creature, just take a regular animal and add wings to it. A horse becomes a pegasus, a lion becomes a griffin, and a hawk... becomes a double hawk.

I like shorter jokes. I like fewer words. I think the more ideas there are the, the fewer words there should be.