The other night I was playing twister with some amputees.

Futon World - a wonderful place that becomes slowly less comfortable over time.

I keep a lighter in my back pocket all the time. I'm not a smoker, I just really like certain songs.

Overheard today in restaurant: Can you stop listening to our conversation?

When I'm buying car insurance I ask myself, 'Which company has the most annoying and relentless commercials?'

For example, I was a White House intern the summer before I dropped out of law school. Everybody knew about it. I'd come home and go to church and everybody would say, oh, my God. Demetri, you're working at the White House.

I want to get the joke to work without having to put any words or to say anything. I just want the person to look at it, and quietly in their brain, they can just put it together and say, "Cool, that one works".