The other night I was playing twister with some amputees.

I like video games, but they're really violent. I'd like to play a video game where you help the people who were shot in all the other games. It'd be called 'Really Busy Hospital.

I like to use 'I Can't Believe it's Not Butter' on my toast in the morning, because sometimes when I eat breakfast, I like to be incredulous. How was breakfast? Unbelievable.

A Rubik's cube is equal to a drag queen. It's really colorful, but I don't wanna do it.

There is a small, but important, difference between peeing in the pool, and peeing into the pool.

Automatic paper towel dispensers are a solution to something that was never a problem in the first place.

When telling a story about how wasted you were last night, stop.