I remember when I used to be really into nostalgia.

When I was in high school I experimented sexually. The experiment was to never have sex with anybody no matter how hard I tried. Success! Hypothesis confirmed.

Knights would have probably liked refrigerator magnets.

Turtles are greater than baby nephews, because it's ok to drop a turtle.

I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front of me.

I think they should put pies on the fronts of trains, so that when they hit something it's at least a little bit funny.

It's weird the way "finger puppet" sounds okay as a noun... ladies.