I think bears and worms aren't very similar... until you think of gummy.

I thought I would, you know, go to college, get to law school, finish, and then get a job and work as a lawyer, but that proved to be not a good fit for me.

Do you have any Greek in you? That was just a tactful way of asking if you're pregnant. If you're not, then let's break up.

Checkers taught me that a King is a man with another man on top of him. But life taught me that that's actually called a Queen.

I've met a few people who were passive-aggressive, but I've never met anyone who was aggressive-passive. I don't want tacos! Maybe.

In America, one sure sign of success is the presence of an unnecessary waterfall in a person's yard.

Futon World - a wonderful place that becomes slowly less comfortable over time.