But long story short, I didn't start doing stand-up because I wanted to have a TV show or be an actor or even wanted to write sketch comedy. I got into stand-up because I love stand-up.

Cotton candy is the perfect snack for when I'm in the mood to eat dry, scratchy fabric.

Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.

Having a beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.

I think as a performer, it can be really great to stand on stage, especially when you have more time, but I do think about the specific people in the audience, how it's hard for them to get up and go to the bathroom, how they chose not to do other things that night and have turned off their phones and everything. So for that reason, I think it's necessary to mix it up and talk to the audience.

As soon as I jumped out of the airplane, I realized I had forgotten my parachute. Thank God we were still on the runway.

There is also a beast, a beast of strange dimensions. He has the head of a horse and the body of a man who needs a lot of attention. He represents me in college: I was a dork-ataur.