And of course I didn't make any money from stand up for years, so I had temp jobs. That was the way I made money.
Demetri MartinI have never been in a bad mood and near a beach ball at the same time. Causation? Correlation? Or fate?
Demetri MartinI set a personal record on Christmas. I got my shopping done three weeks ahead of time. I had all the presents back at my apartment, I was halfway through wrapping them, and I realized, 'Damn, I used the wrong wrapping paper.' The paper I used said, 'Happy Birthday.' I didn't want to waste it, so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
Demetri Martin