I got myself a really nice nib pen, with like 15 kinds of India Ink, and tons of different nibs; I think I was just procrastinating, like, once I have the right nib, the book is just going to jump right out of my fingertips... but then it just ended up looking like the shitty drawings that I usually do.

I want to make a revolving door that says 'Pull' on it, just see how obedient people are.

If you are trying to impress a woman, leave any sort of show farting out of the equation.

Palindromes are the number one conversation stopper, like party killer, I think I've ever seen.

A parade looks like a bunch of people are excited about being in traffic.

I got some new pajamas with pockets in 'em. Which is great, because before that, I used to have to hold stuff when I slept. But now I'm like, 'Where's my planner? There it is. "Keep sleeping." All right, perfect.'

I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me. Then he said, 'I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else.' I said, 'I am.'