The other night I was playing twister with some amputees.
To remove all credibility from what you're saying try wearing sunglasses on your forehead.
I wanna put stickers on turtles... I don't know why.
I think the most annoying language is a tie between all the ones I don't know how to speak.
The reason you often get in comedy is because you're not getting laid.
If you have a lip ring try hanging some tiny keys from it. This will make you look even more interesting.