Whenever I see an autobiography for sale in the book store i just flip to the about the author section. I'm like, "Done, next!"
Popcorn is one of the only situations in which you eat the result of an explosion.
I have a time machine at home. It only goes forward at regular speed
A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.
If you are wearing a bandana you better have something wise to say, because you are starting with a credibility deficit.
It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.