I am a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a pita. Why the pita? That counts as another mystery.

I think it's cool when an ex-girlfriend becomes an XL girlfriend.

Don't forget to turn your clocks back today if you don't want your clocks to be set to the right time.

I wanna design a video game where you'd have to take care of all the people shot in all the other video games.

It turns out dentists don't like it very much when you show up for a cleaning in full vampire gear.

I wanna put stickers on turtles... I don't know why.

I like birthdays because we celebrate life with cakes. It's so cool. Sometimes when I see a baby, I'm like that much more cake in the world. But then when someone dies, I'm like the cake streak is over.