When I am holding a water balloon, so many things look so unnecessarily dry.

Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.

People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy.

Skiing is my favorite sport, because, that's the only sport that is actually better to watch the worst the person is at it. "That guy won a gold medal in the Olympics" "Oh yeah, that's cool, i wanna watch the fat guy" "Come on dude, you can take that hill"

I find that a shirt is most similar to a napkin when I don't have a napkin.

Like a lot of people, I’ve always enjoyed commenting on strangers’ outfits. Unlike a lot of people, I now had a new megaphone to do it with. And, let me tell you, commenting on people’s hilarious clothing choices through a megaphone makes it so much better.

When they were naming the animals, somebody got lazy: anteater? What's it doing? It's eating ants. DONE!