I bought my daughter a Chihuahua and I fell in love with it. So now I carry Coco around with me all the time.

I tried eating vegetarian. I felt like a wimp going into a restaurant. "What do you want to eat sir? Broccoli?" Broccoli's a side dish, folks. Always was, always will be, OK! When they ask me what I want, I say: What do you think I want? This is America. I want a bowl of raw red meat right now.

You get to a certain point, especially if you're a comedian, where people think certain things. It's like, I don't take the time to explain it to people, it's just part of what I do.

I didn't raise my kids with the fear of God.

We drink and we die and continue to drink.

The things that make me angry still make me angry. George Carlin is 67, and he's still as funny as he's ever been, and he's still angry. And that makes me feel good, because I feel like if I stick around long enough, I'll still be able to work.

No matter what anybody says, relationships are based on physical attraction. The first time I saw my wife, it was pure animal whatever.