I haven't seen someone so overmatched since Mike Tyson tried to recite the alphabet.

Pat Buchanan is so homo-phobic, he blames global warming on the AIDS quilt.

The average American's day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charles's dart board.

Is global warming new? I don't know. When I was young I remember the sun being hot.

Of *course* he needs to renegotiate his salary - the guy buys more snow than Seward did when he bought Alaska from the Russians.

So who's the big red menace nowadays? Cuba. That's it? I'm sorry, but it's hard to whip up any us against them nationalist fervor about a country whose principal export is citizens who can swim.

A recent conversation: Dubya: Look at the clock, time is racing! Cheney: That's the second hand, George.