I haven't seen someone so overmatched since Mike Tyson tried to recite the alphabet.

You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R.

I come from that earlier time in America when palm pilot was a nickname you recieved upon entering puberty! I was more than a palm pilot I was the palm Chuck Jager. Tom Wolfe wrote a book about me called The Right Hand Stuff. I was the only guy in my class hip enough to move to the European grip.

There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it.

Other than the bombs they strap to their chests, Ive got no idea what makes the Palestinians tick.

Women don't like guys who are dangerous. Women just want us to think that because women are trying to kill us.

With Browns' ticket prices what they are, you just know that all those dads who brought the entire family to sit in the 'dog pound' are secretly calculating how much blood they're going to have to sell next week to put groceries on the table.