Obama better hope a kicked ass is covered by Obamacare.

The American education system couldn't be more badly directed or poorly funded if the Secretary of Education were Ed Wood.

Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.

Think of Iraq as "East Korea," because it was a shoot the cuffs war for the edification of Kim Jong Il to let him know we've now circled the SUVs. Iraq was about breaking adhesions, getting lean, staying frosty - in short, getting ready for the big Doug MacArthur Memorial Cage Match to come.

A lot of people voting for Pat Buchanan say they are doing so to send a message. Apparently that message is, 'Hey, look at me, I'm an idiot.'

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

I like money. It's fun to fold and stack and smell and look at. It's just plain fun to count money, and I often do it in a loud falsetto while wearing nothing but a captain's hat and a coin changer.