Obama better hope a kicked ass is covered by Obamacare.

That punt was higher than Marion Berry on a fact-finding tour of Cartagena.

I had fun pretending to be a sportscaster. People always think that was a down thing for me. I had the best job in sports broadcasting for two years.

He lasted about as long as the dessert tray at Rosie O'Donnell's house.

Elected office holds more perks than Elvis' nightstand.

Hey Deion, Bubbelah - maybe you'd better pay a little less attention to those unfairly Draconian salary caps that only allowed you to acquire four of the five remaining 1932 Aston Martins still in road-worthy condition after you'd paid for life's little necessities like hookers and weed, get your medulla oblongata out of your duodenum for a few milliseconds, and make a tackle or two, okay, Babe?

I'm a tad paranoid. I think the person in front of me is following me the long way round.