I think abortion's wrong, but it's none of my business to tell somebody what's wrong, he said. So I'm pro-choice. I want to keep my nose out of other people's personal business. I guess I fall into conservative when it comes to protecting the United States in a world where a lot of people hate the United States.

Only man is a narcissistic enough species to think that a highly evolved alien life force would travel across billions and billions of light-years- a group of aliens so intelligent, so insouciant, so utterly above it all, they feel no need whatsoever to equip their spacecraft with windows so that they can gaze out on all that celestial beauty-but then immediately upon landing, their first impulse is to get in some hick's ass with a flashlight.

The American education system couldn't be more badly directed or poorly funded if the Secretary of Education were Ed Wood.

I'm a tad paranoid. I think the person in front of me is following me the long way round.

Is it just me, or are the 49ers doing an awful lot of ass-patting today?

I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown.

By and large, I think it should be a rule in the teacher employment manual that you can't go attend any event where if you took your classroom on a student field trip, they would summarily be obliterated. That should be rule No. 1.