I still feel pangs of remorse over an insidious habit I've had since I was a teenager. About three times a week, I attend estate auctions and make insulting, low-ball bids for prized heirlooms until I'm asked to leave.

By and large, I think it should be a rule in the teacher employment manual that you can't go attend any event where if you took your classroom on a student field trip, they would summarily be obliterated. That should be rule No. 1.

Growing up, my family wasn't very tight. We were more like a tour group with secrets.

Jack Kerouac was cool because he had no idea he was.

The left promises abortion rights and cradle to the grave protection, so the trick is to make it to the cradle.

I'm a tad paranoid. I think the person in front of me is following me the long way round.

The claim that somehow raw foods give you better energy, are more healthful, improve your immune system and all of that is simply not substantiated. And moreover, it's not biologically plausible.