Al Gore couldn't be more phony if he were a professional Al Gore impersonator

The average American's day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charles's dart board.

I'm glad I don't have a lot of money in the market. And quite frankly, you'd be better off giving your money to a colorblind roulette addict than put it in the stock market.

I have the distinction of speaking to you from one of the few countries that still has a communist party.

What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against Disney World and Big Macs than the Nazis?

If I had wanted to ice the little toad, I would have done it a long time ago.

Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways.