If somebody wants to shoot up and die in front of you, more power to them. The herd has a way of thinning itself out.

After 7 years of marriage, I am sure of 2 things: First, never wallpaper together and second, you'll need 2 bathrooms . . . both for her. The rest is a mystery, but a mystery I love to be involved in.

American's could be any more self absorbed if they were made of equal parts water and paper towel.

Americans stick their nose where it doesn't belong more than Cyrano de Bergerac giving head.

Ouch! And Marino goes down quicker than his Boonesfarm-infused sister in the back of my '68 Cutlass on our first date after watching 'Love Story' at the drive-in.

The current tax code is harder to understand than Bob Dylan reading Finnegans Wake in a wind tunnel.

I think we have to help the helpless. The clueless? I don't give a rat's ass about the clueless.