I've seen better coverage at an Alan Keyes press conference.

Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.

A developer is someone who wants to build a house in the woods. An environmentalist is someone who already has a house in the woods.

I'm a comedian, for God's sake. Viewers shouldn't trust me. And you know what? They're hip enough to know they shouldn't trust me. I'm just doing stand-up comedy.

Born again?! No, I'm not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time.

I love this country for several reasons, not the least of which is that I know I'm allowed to hate it if I want to.

I think we have to help the helpless. The clueless? I don't give a rat's ass about the clueless.