Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

Then people ask me if I'm worried about the effects of global warming on my kids. Well, obviously I love my kids and I want them to live to be a 100. So that's another 1.8. My kids' kids? Three point six. I'll just tell them we moved to Phoenix.

The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.

Is global warming new? I don't know. When I was young I remember the sun being hot.

Just put down 9/11... I think, on most things I'm liberal, except on defending ourselves and keeping half the money. Those things I'm kind of conservative on.

I'm a tad paranoid. I think the person in front of me is following me the long way round.

Ray Lewis knifed through those offensive linemen like a sucker-punch switchblade slicing between the ribs of some inebriated trash-talking punk outside a sports bar.