Nervous? He's tighter than Pat Buchanan's sphincter muscle at a 4th of July soiree on Fire Island.

Of *course* he needs to renegotiate his salary - the guy buys more snow than Seward did when he bought Alaska from the Russians.

The government could take away all the drugs in the world and people would spin around on their lawns until they fell down and saw God.

Americans stick their nose where it doesn't belong more than Cyrano de Bergerac giving head.

In view of all the deadly computer viruses that have been spreading lately, Weekend Update would like to remind you: when you link up to another computer, you're linking up to every computer that that computer has ever linked up to.

Liberals always feel your pain. Unless of course, they caused it.

When I said 'we', officer, I was referring to myself, the four young ladies, and, of course, the goat.