Nervous? He's tighter than Pat Buchanan's sphincter muscle at a 4th of July soiree on Fire Island.

In the late twentieth century, staying sober has become just as much an addiction as getting wasted.

I went to the UN and even the guidebook was spineless.

Listen, the weather is just like Hillary's explanation for her war vote: we just don't know, do we?

The average American's day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charles's dart board.

I like the show [Factor] because it's horny, but it's not skeevy. Where else are you going to get that nowadays?

I find it shocking that anybody can be brought down in D.C. for gossip, ostensibly. I thought that was the coin of the realm there. That's like getting hit with lightning on a cloudless day.