If Clinton had only attacked terrorism as much as he attacks George Bush we wouldn't be in this problem.

Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways.

Big deal, so he scored. The last time I saw someone dance like that I had to pay her $20 and have my pants dry cleaned the next day.

Elected office holds more perks than Elvis' nightstand.

If you're a man and you have big tits, don't wear a tight T-shirt, okay? It confuses the children!

I find it shocking that anybody can be brought down in D.C. for gossip, ostensibly. I thought that was the coin of the realm there. That's like getting hit with lightning on a cloudless day.

Everybody has to sell out at some point to make a living.