Ouch! And Marino goes down quicker than his Boonesfarm-infused sister in the back of my '68 Cutlass on our first date after watching 'Love Story' at the drive-in.

Why is electricity so expensive these days? Why does it cost so much for something I can make with a balloon and my hair?

There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim.

How many of those dead animals you see on the highway are suicides?

What is guilt? Guilt is the pledge drive constantly hammering in our heads that keeps us from fully enjoying the show. Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy.

Laughter is one of the great beacons in life because we don't refract it by gunning it through our intellectual prism. What makes us laugh is a mystery - an involuntary response.

Political Correctness is inverted McCarthyism.