At some point you cannot be the kid in the glass bubble in this world. You might've heard throughout your grade school and high school years that it was a safe, nice, warm, fair, feeling place... but it can get brutal when it gets competitive. Especially when you succeed. Watch the detractors come out of the walls at that point.

I think the American legal system sucks worse than a Celine Dion cover version of Whole Lotta Love.

Concussion? How the hell can they tell? They're *football* players, for chrissakes!

We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.

Al Gore couldn't be more phony if he were a professional Al Gore impersonator

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home.

And quit bringing up our forefathers and saying they were civil libertarians. Our founding fathers would have never tolerated any of this crap. For God's sake, they were blowing peoples' heads off because they put a tax on their breakfast beverage. And it wasn't even coffee.