It's your living room, it's your life, go nuts. You like Home Improvement? Tape it and go over it like it's the Zapruder film.

I think the people can bash Catholics because they know Catholics won't kill them. Quite frankly, there's some religions out there, you bash and they're going to kill you.

Two wrongs may not make a right, but a thousand wrongs make a writer.

Detroit's so bad this year they might lose their bye week.

A recent conversation: Dubya: Look at the clock, time is racing! Cheney: That's the second hand, George.

Democratic candidate John Kerry on Tuesday chose fellow Senator John Edwards to be his running mate. Asked about Edwards' lack of foreign policy experience, Kerry revealed his new campaign slogan, 'I Promise Not to Die.'

A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.