He lasted about as long as the dessert tray at Rosie O'Donnell's house.

Obama better hope a kicked ass is covered by Obamacare.

How many of those dead animals you see on the highway are suicides?

What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against Disney World and Big Macs than the Nazis?

Trends don't mean anything to me. If I like something, I'll do it. If I don't, I won't do it, and I wouldn't care if everybody in the country mocked me.

It's a cocktail-party circuit in D.C., That guy who couldn't master the guitar and get in a band and get laid, he ends up there. Gary Condit make sense to me. He's away from his family, he's in D.C. - if he was a car dealer in the [San Fernando] Valley somewhere out there, he'd be the guy who was trying to get laid by offering you the free undercoating package.

Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy.