He lasted about as long as the dessert tray at Rosie O'Donnell's house.

If somebody wants to shoot up and die in front of you, more power to them. The herd has a way of thinning itself out.

One man's Voltaire is another man's Screech.

That kid's got an arm like Uncle Fester at an exhibition of Pre-Colombian... um, Christ, I lost it. I was going for something thick. So what's with the beard, Grizzly Fouts?

How do we know for sure that no two snowflakes are the same - we haven't got anybody watching.

Only man is a narcissistic enough species to think that a highly evolved alien life force would travel across billions and billions of light-years- a group of aliens so intelligent, so insouciant, so utterly above it all, they feel no need whatsoever to equip their spacecraft with windows so that they can gaze out on all that celestial beauty-but then immediately upon landing, their first impulse is to get in some hick's ass with a flashlight.

The quarterback's spending so much time behind the center that he may jeopardize his right to lead a Boy Scout troop.