You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

He lasted about as long as the dessert tray at Rosie O'Donnell's house.

The Mexican people I know seem to respect the country in a way that many spoiled brats who were born here don't. So come on over folks, the more the merrier. But please, sign the guest book on the way in.

I still feel pangs of remorse over an insidious habit I've had since I was a teenager. About three times a week, I attend estate auctions and make insulting, low-ball bids for prized heirlooms until I'm asked to leave.

The claim that somehow raw foods give you better energy, are more healthful, improve your immune system and all of that is simply not substantiated. And moreover, it's not biologically plausible.

One man's Voltaire is another man's Screech.

Born again?! No, I'm not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time.