You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

The Mexican people I know seem to respect the country in a way that many spoiled brats who were born here don't. So come on over folks, the more the merrier. But please, sign the guest book on the way in.

A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.

Let me use their own terminology against them. They aborted a child in the 200th trimester.

A lot of people voting for Pat Buchanan say they are doing so to send a message. Apparently that message is, 'Hey, look at me, I'm an idiot.'

Their offense is shakier than Katherine Hepburn after an all-night espresso bender at Starbucks.

The Cowboy's defense has more holes in it than Ronny Milsapp and Jose Feliciano after a game of lawn darts.