What's so touching is the way we fight the war right until the moment our business is taken care of and then we turn on a dime and we immediately start taking care of people. It's like a shock and aw shucks campaign.

It's wrong to discriminate based on skin color when there are so many other reasons not to like someone.

And by the way, my belief is that if men were the ones getting pregnant, abortions would be easier to get than food poisoning in Moscow.

And I've always been paranoid. I can remember as a baby my mother would spin the mobile above my head and thinking..."yeah, that's coming down."

I love this country for several reasons, not the least of which is that I know I'm allowed to hate it if I want to.

The world is so ass-backwards it almost makes you wish you were dyslexic.

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.