In view of all the deadly computer viruses that have been spreading lately, Weekend Update would like to remind you: when you link up to another computer, you're linking up to every computer that that computer has ever linked up to.

I'm sorry, those pictures from the Abu Ghraib. At first, they, like infuriated me, I was sad. Then like, a couple days later, after they cut the guy's head off, they didn't seem like much. And now, I like to trade them with my friends.

I don't know about you, but in my neighborhood, they just opened a Starbucks... IN A STARBUCKS!!!

When I said 'we', officer, I was referring to myself, the four young ladies, and, of course, the goat.

Hey, Cunningham - Andy Warhol called. You're at 14:55 and we're tickin' big-time here, Chachi.

Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy.

I haven't seen someone so overmatched since Mike Tyson tried to recite the alphabet.