I went to the UN and even the guidebook was spineless.

That kid's got an arm like Uncle Fester at an exhibition of Pre-Colombian... um, Christ, I lost it. I was going for something thick. So what's with the beard, Grizzly Fouts?

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

Branson, Missouri, is Vegas for people with no teeth.

If Clinton had only attacked terrorism as much as he attacks George Bush we wouldn't be in this problem.

I've changed after 9/11. My friends are still my friends.Bill Maher is my friend. I don't agree with a lot of what he says. And there are times I think, "Oh, my God. How could he say that."

If Bill Gates is worth $30 billion then a good haircut must cost $31 billion