I went to the UN and even the guidebook was spineless.

When I went to college, I lived on campus, and the guys I hung out with made the characters in Revenge of the Nerds look like the Rat Pack in 1962. I, myself made that kid Booger look like Remington Steele.

The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.

I find it shocking that anybody can be brought down in D.C. for gossip, ostensibly. I thought that was the coin of the realm there. That's like getting hit with lightning on a cloudless day.

Wouldn't it be great if all of Osama bin Laden's money was tied up in Enron stock?

Lotto fever hit New York again this week, and like the old saying goes, 'You gotta be in it to win it'... but first, you gotta have a dead end job so pathetic you're willing to kill five hours standing in line for a 1 in 25 million chance.

The left promises abortion rights and cradle to the grave protection, so the trick is to make it to the cradle.