[The Internet] ... is an amazing communications tool that's bringing the whole world together. I mean, you sit down to sign on to America Online in your hometown, and it's just staggering to think that at the same moment, halfway around the world, in China, someone you've never met is sitting at their computer, hearing the exact same busy signal that you're hearing.

Homosexuals are entering the mainstream, because they're becoming as boring and as tedious as any other splinter group.

Why is electricity so expensive these days? Why does it cost so much for something I can make with a balloon and my hair?

When you're sharing a mud hole with a wildebeest derriere in sub-Saharan Africa, that's a living hell.

[The Internet] ... is an amazing communications tool that's bringing the whole world together. I mean, you sit down to sign on to America Online in your hometown, and it's just staggering to think that at the same moment, halfway around the world, in China, someone you've never met is sitting at their computer, hearing the exact same busy signal that you're hearing.

Warner had more hands in his face than an OB-GYN delivering Vishnu's triplets!

I am proof that Einstein's "e equals m c squared" is wrong. My mass has increased, but my energy has dropped.