Even the best psychiatrist is like a blindfolded auto mechanic poking around under your hood with a giant foam "We're #1" finger.

Of *course* he needs to renegotiate his salary - the guy buys more snow than Seward did when he bought Alaska from the Russians.

It's nice to be included in the broadcast food chain.

I like the show [Factor] because it's horny, but it's not skeevy. Where else are you going to get that nowadays?

Bill Gates is just a monocle and a Persian Cat away from being one of the bad guys in a James Bond movie.

In regards to Oral Roberts' claim that God told him that he would die unless he received $20 million by March, God's lawyers have stated that their client has not spoken with Roberts for several years. Off the record, God has stated that 'if I had wanted to ice the little toad, I would have done it a long time ago.

The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.