Even the best psychiatrist is like a blindfolded auto mechanic poking around under your hood with a giant foam "We're #1" finger.

The world is so ass-backwards it almost makes you wish you were dyslexic.

The Nazi signs have got to stop. If you're in a peace march and the guy next to you has a sign saying that 'Bush is Hitler,' forget the peace thing for a second and beat his ass, because he is not Hitler.

I'm a tad paranoid. I think the person in front of me is following me the long way round.

Trends don't mean anything to me. If I like something, I'll do it. If I don't, I won't do it, and I wouldn't care if everybody in the country mocked me.

If I had wanted to ice the little toad, I would have done it a long time ago.

Parenting is the easiest job to get - you just have to screw up once and it's yours.